What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
