I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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