I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
