forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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