i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just invented taco cereal.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
