Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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