shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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