it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
