you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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