oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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