If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
