dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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