It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
