So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
