i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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