is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
