He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
