i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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