I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
