I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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