No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
