Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
