I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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