I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
