I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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