I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
