So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
