I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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