I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
