So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you never un-have a 4some
not ubering you a puppy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
