If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
