Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
