Your dad touched me again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
