then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
