I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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