I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
