I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
