Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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