he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
