Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
