I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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