My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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