Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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