Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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