Apparently you make a good broom.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
