Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
