More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
