Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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