She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
