Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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