hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
