She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
