God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
