you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
