Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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